The hardest part, the most tears, was when I had to fight the lizard brain....
Don't let him do this, it said, fight back...
When fighting that internal fight, I just didn't have the ability to process the pain and ended up sobbing...
Once I could form words, I said what had been going around in my brain...
Well you can tell your lizard brain, he said, that it would never win anyway...
Later (please don't ask me to guess on time), it got intense again. Instead of saying anything, I just reacted. It's like all of my martial arts came back to me. I used a trick to slip one wrist free and started working on the other.
But he's bigger *and* faster than me.... and knew the tricks I was pulling. I fought back as hard as I could and tried to get away. I might succeed in getting an arm free, but I was never close to winning.
Eventually the tears came again and the begging.... Please Poppa.... please stop hurting me.... please....
And I slipped again into nothingness....
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