Relationship Formats...

I can't promise this makes sense.... I'm just trying to get things out of my brain.....

What types of relationship formats do I want and which ones work for me?

I don't really know.... but hence, I'll ramble a bit to see what comes out.

I read a lot of Domestic Discipline porn.  Would that work for me?  I like parts of it, but I don't think it's me in general.  I don't think I could do it *all* the time, but I do like parts of it.

With that in mind, I don't think a 24/7 relationship is what I want either.  I'd like to have certain bits of D/s that are always around (a collar, a couple of small protocols), but I don't think I could keep a submissive mindset 24/7.

Do I want a Daddy Dominant?  I like that dynamic a little bit, but I'm not a little... but the care-taking part of that is really attractive to me.  I like being able to lean a bit on someone on occasion... to take a load off.

On the flip side, I really have been thinking about my like of pain.  There's definitely a level of pain that I like just for pain's sake... but I also want to suffer... I want to go beyond that level because someone else wants to enjoy my suffering.

I think that's all that wants to come out of my brain tonight.... but we'll see if more comes out tomorrow.

Partner Traits

After a full year + of working on me with my therapist, it's time to think about dating.

I feel like I'm in a really good space and what I want is starting to take shape.

I was always afraid of being too picky.  I thought if a guy was interested in me, that meant I needed to hold onto them and be whatever they want so that I didn't have to be alone...

You know, I don't mind being alone.  In fact, it's important to me to have my freedom and my own space.

So I've started putting together what I want in a partner.

1. I want someone who's self aware and working on themselves.

He's got to be moving in a direction, not sitting still, not resting on some accomplishment, but working to improve himself.

2. I want someone who's independent.

I do better with people who don't need me all of the time.  I work long hours and have interests that he doesn't have to match.  I'm not saying I only want a booty call.  I'm saying it wouldn't be a good fit if he needed me 24/7/365 next to him.

So far, these are the only two things that come up....

But then, in my head, I think about my kink desires.  How do these two traits mix with my submissiveness?  Am I asking for too much?

And then, tonight, I read Mollena's journal post.

And finding what's right is more important than it happening on my timeline.