He's back....

Not often that I don't cross post to fetlife, but this one won't get cross listed.

I need to vent and I don't need the drama that lives on that site.

So the lovely gentleman who has caused all of the STI drama in my life..... he's starting to go to events.

When I saw him, he was curious, but didn't do anything public.

Now he's at events.  The last 2 I went to he showed up at.

And I want to punch and/or castrate him.

He's hot, and white, and skinny....

And has a new girl on his arm every time I see him.

Me... I've always been single when I've run into him.

When I'm strong, it's an annoyance... I'm just apt to glare at him and go on with my night.

Now, as I struggle with feeling wanted... I worry it would crush me.

I don't think he's on fetlife.  He's not RSVPing to events so it's not like I have any warning in advanced.

I don't want to "let him win," but I probably won't be out to events for a while, especially the ones where I've already seen him.

It's self care....

And... I really don't think he's that awful... I really think, as I look at things, that he was just being a dumb boy.  I know the other girl.  I *KNOW* she said she has HSV 2 orally...

But the internet is full of things that says HSV 2? use condoms for vaginal sex...

The medical community hasn't caught up with the way people have sex.  There aren't any papers on oral transmission of HSV 2.  I think we're only like 10-15 years from realizing that you can get 2 orally and 1 genitally.

So while I have these emotional responses to him, I don't think he was being vicious...

But he also never apologized....

Yes, he doesn't have HSV 2 (he sent me test results), but he already has HSV 1...

Which means he could have been a carrier of the virus, passed it to me, but it never took hold in his system because of the HSV 1 antibodies he already carried...

*sigh*

I can't wait for therapy next Friday... I've got a lot to unpack I think...

Blood Work....

 11/7/08 
0.69

3/25/09
0.57

3/21/13
1.54

9/7/13
0.75

1/2/14
<0.90

7/21/14
<0.90

7/28/15
2.26

Can you tell what this blood work says?

It looks kind of weird, doesn't it....

It's really low.... and then it's kind of middle high maybe?

Well let me give you some context...

<0.90 NEGATIVE0.90-1.10 EQUIVOCAL>1.10 POSITIVE

So the test makes more sense now, right?

Well what if I told you that this was testing for a disease you can never get rid of?

Confused yet?

Well these results, dear reader, are all of the HSV 2 IGG Specific blood results.

You'll remember when I got the first positive test results and then again when I thought I was in the clear again.

And so we're back into the crisis mode again... well maybe not crisis.... just massive confusion.

Worse case scenario, yup, I've got HSV 2.

Most likely scenario... we'll just never know...

Maybe it's in my blood?  Maybe my body has been exposed.

But if I never end up with an outbreak that they can test and do a culture on (the best test), the medical community just says "tell people and use condoms."

Ok.. well I already use condoms for vaginal intercourse... always have....

So......

Where's the infection site?

What do I do next?

Condoms for oral aren't fun for me, but I'd do them (damn that reservoir tip).

My doctor has sent my results off to an infectious disease specialist 'cause she's confused by them as well....

But she things I should live my life as if it's positive...

*sigh*

I'm not sure what to do now...