I don't want to blog

I really don't.

You get to those places were there's so much going on in your head that you just want to hide.

And nothing wants to come out or be finished.

Maybe I'm coming down with something.  I've had a tickle in my throat for two days now.  It hasn't gotten worse or better.

Maybe my job sucks.  Had a meeting with my boss's boss (he's out of town and she used to be my direct boss before his promotion).  I nearly had to leave before I barfed all over the place from stress.  She said that she knew making processes was hard for me.... wait... me?  I make process and notes for EVERYTHING.  What am I messing up that that's not apparent?

What am I going to do with my life?  My job is pretty dead end.  No promotion or pay raise in nearly 21 months.  I've got over half of my stock granted now.  Aren't those supposed to keep giving you stock so you stay around.  Maybe they don't like me.  I really don't care what they say and all of the nice things they say, I've seen them drop people with no warning for a "change in direction."  The people who have been out right fired have done something or their boss did something and the whole group was "reorganized."  I mean I don't logically think I could be out of a job tomorrow... but it's CA, an at will state, there's a non 0 chance that each day is my last day.

Writing isn't helping.

I'm still amped up.

I'm not sleeping again :-(  I slept through the night (mostly) Saturday in the tent up in the mountains, but since then (and about a week before then) I haven't been able to sleep through the night.  I'm probably gonna stay up later tonight and see if I can get that wake up closer to 6 (and just get up for the day) instead of the sill 3:45 wake up that's been plauging me.

And now all of you have read my random ranting. I'm gonna go take my happy pill and zone off to mindless sports... maybe kill some monsters in rift, till I can go to sleep....