I guess I got to get this written down before I block it and can't learn from it. Saturday night at BR I had a date (at 2am so it was technically Sunday) with Stu for a scene. It was supposed to be a suspension scene but when we arrived at the late night dungeon the suspension set up wasn't in the room. We decide to an impact scene and I get tied to the spanking bench. He starts off with my brand new flogger. From almost the beginning, something didn't feel right. The flogger HURT (year I know it's supposed to hurt but it wasn't a good hurt). By the end of warm up I'm crying (nearly sobbing) and I don't know why. I finally say something (not yellow like I should have but me crying at this point already had made Stu a big concerned). We sat and talked for a while and decided to switch implements (paddles... I love paddles) and see what happens. Well it doesn't end up going very far at all. In my mind's eye I just get swallowed up by this darkness.... I can't explain it.... I just couldn't keep going... but I couldn't say why. I'm just sobbing and I finally stop the scene. Stu takes great care of me and unties me etc and we sit up and try to talk some more. Just closing my eyes and trying to go back into the dark space was enough to make me start crying again and I didn't even know what was there that was making me cry.....
So Stu walks me back to me room after I'm no longer actively crying and I spent the rest of the weekend in this kind of weird funk.... not a depressive funk but a weird introspective funk. For the life of me I can't figure out what's wrong in my head.....
Gonna go e-mail Stu now and figure out exactly what he told me to do after the scene to try to bring the internal darkness to the surface so that I can face it.....
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
BR
Ok so before I forget I guess I should get this all out on....paper?
Anyway.... BR overall was a good experience. I arrived early Friday morning and took the train to the hotel. I registered and everything and then went to a class called playing with strangers. The instructor, Rita, was really hot, but there was this guy in the class (older etc) who just gave off uber dom I'm so special vibes that made me curl up into Stu's arm even more during the class. I had dinner with Tim, Kelly, and Tina at union station and came back to the hotel for the meet and greet. I wore my black and white corset and got lots of good smiles. Friday night I played with Sas and did my first knife scene. It was ok. The dungeon was too loud i think so I didn't really get into it. I do still have nice scratchy things on my back though. Note to self... don't put lotion on a freshly knifed back.
Saturday I had breakfast with Tina and then did a 4 hours volunteer shift on security, I was basically a hall monitor. No, that skirt is too short, no .... i can see you ass you need to put on more clothes to be in the public area.
Saturday night I played with Stu (separate post)
Sunday i was in a funk... went to bootblacking class (damn hot) and then basically napped all day/evening/night....
List of Loot I bought at BR
- Two pair of silk stripper shoes
- new leather by danny cuffs
- Flogger for use only on me (yes for those special parts)
- T-shirt that says "I must be a masochist... I'm a grad student)
- New rope
Anyway.... BR overall was a good experience. I arrived early Friday morning and took the train to the hotel. I registered and everything and then went to a class called playing with strangers. The instructor, Rita, was really hot, but there was this guy in the class (older etc) who just gave off uber dom I'm so special vibes that made me curl up into Stu's arm even more during the class. I had dinner with Tim, Kelly, and Tina at union station and came back to the hotel for the meet and greet. I wore my black and white corset and got lots of good smiles. Friday night I played with Sas and did my first knife scene. It was ok. The dungeon was too loud i think so I didn't really get into it. I do still have nice scratchy things on my back though. Note to self... don't put lotion on a freshly knifed back.
Saturday I had breakfast with Tina and then did a 4 hours volunteer shift on security, I was basically a hall monitor. No, that skirt is too short, no .... i can see you ass you need to put on more clothes to be in the public area.
Saturday night I played with Stu (separate post)
Sunday i was in a funk... went to bootblacking class (damn hot) and then basically napped all day/evening/night....
List of Loot I bought at BR
- Two pair of silk stripper shoes
- new leather by danny cuffs
- Flogger for use only on me (yes for those special parts)
- T-shirt that says "I must be a masochist... I'm a grad student)
- New rope
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