Risk Aversion

It struck me last night that I take better care of myself when someone else cares.... and that that's weird....

I'd going to Bondage A Go Go but got there later than I normally do so I ended up parking slightly farther away (right next to the Shell station by Mr. S).

I grabbed a coffee from Wicked Grounds and then went to get my dance/drink on.  Since I knew C would care, I made an explicit plan for what I was going to drink and how I was going to space them and when I was going to stop.  I never do that.  I normally drink till I'm done and then sit till I'm sober.  But I knew C would be happy if I told him a plan so I did it... without really thinking about it, I just did.

The night comes to an end... I'm sober but tired and nearly ready to go.  Normally I just head to my car....

But I knew if C knew I was walking alone on 8th street, he wouldn't be happy.

I asked a friend who was leaving if he'd walk me to my car.  He offered to drop me off since his car was really close and he and his partner could make sure I got to my car.  They dropped me off and then waited till I was in my car with it started before waving good night.

I texted C to let him know I was in my car (and how I got there) and then again once I was home in bed (horny).  He was really appreciative of the steps I'd taken and I got the every wonderful "good girl."

But what does it mean about me that I take better care of myself 'cause someone else cares?  Is it a self worth issue?  No, I don't feel bad about myself....

I think it's a risk issue.  I take risks.  I'm aware of the risks and make decisions based on my risk aversion level (OMG grad school nerd talk... risk aversion).

But when someone else is involved, my risk aversion increases.  I'm not willing to allow them to worry.

An interesting thing to ponder.....