Needs and Wants

My apologies to regular readers.... this may sound a bit like a broken record... like I'm complaining but still not doing things about what i'm complaining about.

Well I'm still processing what's missing and till that's done, I won't know what to ask for.

I was looking at all of the relationships I've set up recently.  In all of them, by design, I'm not a primary partner and I'm also not high up on the list of importance.  That's not a bad thing.  I care for the people I'm in relationships with (otherwise, why would I be there?), but it's the way things are set up.

I'm a really good non-primary partner: I made friends with metamours, I abide by all rules that are put out, and I'm careful of everyone's feelings...

Well... not everyone's feelings.

I'm the person who wants something and doesn't ask.  I think it's part of the rule following in my nature.  I enter into a relationship, there are rules, and I abide by them.  I was talking about a want (the particular isn't important) and a friend/partner on the east coast said "well, why don't you ask for it?"  I guess I could ask for it, but really, I feel like I don't have that right.  There were rules, I agreed to them, and I see them in my brain as a dark, wide line.  I've never been the person to think of rules as guidelines.  They're black and white... this is ok... this is not ok...

But is it normal to agree to something and then ask for more than what's in the agreement?  Is it rude to ask?  I mean, the rules are out there, everyone agreed to them.... does that mean they're never up for discussion again?  Is it something you can re-ask after an appropriate time has passed?

Or do you leave things the way they are with that relationship and search for an additional relationship to fill those needs/wants.

I think it also highlights that I do one type of relationship well.  It's a running joke, but yes, I'd be glad to fuck your husband once a month/quarter/year and remain your friend and be an ideal partner.  I really enjoy it (I mean totally vetted, amazing sex).

There's no but on the end of that sentence for a reason... it's not a but statement.  There's no but...

There is an *and* statement though...

I really enjoy it AND I'd like to get some more needs met as well.

I think that's the hardest part of still searching... I'm getting so many wants/needs met... I feel kind of guilty for not making due with the amazing stuff I've got going for me....