Just a little bit maniac....

So last night I ranted about shopping.

All day I felt a little bit out of it.

I was hyper focused... I got so much work done.

I had very little patience for anything and ended up ranting at my mom along the lines of last night's blog post.

As I sat around, I started thinking of 5 things I needed to do and 3 blog posts that needed to be written...

And then it hit me....

This is what my mania feels like.

The first time I was diagnosed with mania, it was chemically caused.  I was in grad school and the wanted to up my anti-depressants (here's you sign that grad school is no good for you).  I went from 40mg to 60mg and everything seemed fine and dandy.

I went in for a follow up a month later, and I noticed my doc was asking all kinds of new questions.

"I think," she said "that this is too much medication and you've gone slightly maniac"

I was shocked.  I thought of mania as the opposite of depression.. happy and energetic and just the inability to regulate that.

My mania is what I like to call catastrophizing at the speed of light.... the world is going to end tomorrow and I've got a mile long to-do list before it happens.

I ended up on 6 weeks of a mood stabilizer in order to break the cycle.  I can tell you, that was some of the best sleep I ever got.  I was sooooo sad when I had to give up that med (it kind of makes your body think its diabetic so you can't be on it for long periods of time).

So this isn't that bad... but it's enough to have me stop and think about it...

So I've had dinner.. I'm going to do 3 or 4 things and then turn off all the lights and rest....

Tomorrow is a new day.