Self Growth

I seem to be looking at a lot of that these days.

I wish I could schedule it for not when I've spent $350 flying to DC for an event...

Last weekend I went to DOWF in DC.  The event it self is great.  I totally recommend it.

I, strangely enough, was miserable.

There's nothing anyone else could do about it and I didn't want to make it a big deal... but yea, it's not for me.

So what things did I learn??  It's still coming out but we'll see what the list looks like right now as I lay here in bed with a bit of the sniffles with my ears still plugged from the flight...

- I can't work reg
The first day wasn't bad, but people are stupid and I just can't deal with them anymore.  Much like I know I can't work security if I ever want to have fun as a bottom at a kink event, I'm putting registration on the same list.

- I need to make evening plans
During the day I can go to classes but at night, I need to have plans.  Without plans, I'm not gonna hang out in the dungeon and watch things... I'm going to watch TV in my hotel room and go to bed early.  Surrender was different 'cause I'd have at least one boot blacking shift during a party so I had stuff to do and was able to socialize there.

- I shouldn't go by myself.
My friends are all awesome, but they're so awesome they're busy.  Busy enough that I can hide a near melt down... that's not true.. I didn't melt down... I don't think... I dunno

- These meds are done
I want off.  I'd rather take anxiety and the 2-4 nights a month of no sleep due to anxiety than the crap I deal with now.  No alcohol and not caffeine makes me a pretty lame person.  I have no social lubricant and I can't deal with not a lot of sleep.  That's not the way I imagined 30.  I also have random generalized crowd and driving anxiety which is completely new with the medication.

I started another bullet point... and I have no idea what I was going to write.  It's 9pm and I'm about to go to bed.  I've got therapy at lunch time tomorrow.  That's gonna be a huge ball of fun......