Oh... hi blog!
It's been a while (months).
For more day to day smut, I do have a tumblr now. I also have an alt tumblr for my more political rantings.
So why am I here?
'Cause sometimes I want to write to you dear readers and not the crazy people on the internet who only like me for the pictures of my boobs (not that you're not allowed to like my boobs too).
As a brief aside... I'm mostly ok right now. I stick my head out into the world regularly, but it's soo tiring... so overwhelming....
But I am reading and following... and judging people based on what I'm reading and following....
My heart is pretty heavy sometimes :-(
But that's not why I wanted to blog today.....
There's a boy (ok I know, it's me, there's always a boy).
We've hung out at several events/munches/dinner parties and have had one solo date so far. In total, we've probably talked, in person, for over 6 hours (maybe closer to 7).
Everything sounds great, right?
Well.... we haven't kissed....
For lack of a better understanding... I'm always shocked to not end up in bed with a guy on the first or second date or at least I'm naked and being beaten.
I guess the fear then is... omg am I just a friend? Is this going no place?
But I'm having fun, I really am. I gabbed for 4 hours (9:30pm - 1:30am) at a dive bar (great people watching).
And he's not been feeling well recently but still wanted to hang out... so he's making an effort.
Did I mention I'm having fun?
Maybe... just maybe... this is what dating is....
Nearly all of my boyfriends were friends first... we didn't have to do this stage, I'd known them for years. Is this how this is supposed to go?
We've hugged... I really like hugging him....
And, from the outside, I'm pretty sure he likes me. We were hanging at a munch (chatted for at least 3 hours that night) and the next day a friend who was not in the know asked me about the guy who was so obviously into me...
Soooooooooooooo
Yea... I should probably just go to sleep now and stop worrying.... but I bet some of my friends are about to have their mid-night wake ups and will distract me for a bit....
I'm just so not used to.... initiating? I don't know if that's the right word...
A guy is interested and if I'm not opposed, I follow his lead.... I don't know how to open the door widely enough that they a) see that it's open and b) walk through it....
Damn using my words is scary and makes me vulnerable.....
Ahhhhhhhhh
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