He's back....

Not often that I don't cross post to fetlife, but this one won't get cross listed.

I need to vent and I don't need the drama that lives on that site.

So the lovely gentleman who has caused all of the STI drama in my life..... he's starting to go to events.

When I saw him, he was curious, but didn't do anything public.

Now he's at events.  The last 2 I went to he showed up at.

And I want to punch and/or castrate him.

He's hot, and white, and skinny....

And has a new girl on his arm every time I see him.

Me... I've always been single when I've run into him.

When I'm strong, it's an annoyance... I'm just apt to glare at him and go on with my night.

Now, as I struggle with feeling wanted... I worry it would crush me.

I don't think he's on fetlife.  He's not RSVPing to events so it's not like I have any warning in advanced.

I don't want to "let him win," but I probably won't be out to events for a while, especially the ones where I've already seen him.

It's self care....

And... I really don't think he's that awful... I really think, as I look at things, that he was just being a dumb boy.  I know the other girl.  I *KNOW* she said she has HSV 2 orally...

But the internet is full of things that says HSV 2? use condoms for vaginal sex...

The medical community hasn't caught up with the way people have sex.  There aren't any papers on oral transmission of HSV 2.  I think we're only like 10-15 years from realizing that you can get 2 orally and 1 genitally.

So while I have these emotional responses to him, I don't think he was being vicious...

But he also never apologized....

Yes, he doesn't have HSV 2 (he sent me test results), but he already has HSV 1...

Which means he could have been a carrier of the virus, passed it to me, but it never took hold in his system because of the HSV 1 antibodies he already carried...

*sigh*

I can't wait for therapy next Friday... I've got a lot to unpack I think...