I was bad

... and skipped two whole days of blogging.

I'm going to try and double up a couple of times this week (if I'm inspired) and hopefully catch up on those two lost days.

This weekend, I'll be in Disneyland (yes I know I have a problem), so expect shorts blogs.  The good/great news is my baby brother (age gap 15 months) is going to be there.  I haven't seen him since Christmas.  I can't wait..

So if we want to keep on the thread of being bad (in an oh so good way), I'll at least explain why I was not blogging this weekend ;-)

I've now find the greatest place ever for sex.  A partner and I went to the Zen Springs Day Spa in Oakland.  It was nice and clean, but still left you feeling dirty.  I went with a man wearing a wedding ring (which I of course do not have on) and rented a room for 90 minutes that had a whirlpool tub, steam shower, and a "queen sized yoga platform" which was basically a bed.  I don't think you can rent these things, with someone else, for anything other than hanky panky.  Now I kind of want to visit the ones all over the bar area and write up reviews of how much fun I had.

Sunday, I entertained a different boy.  He's *gasp* age appropriate, cute, funny, and a bad, bad man.  I was trying not to walk funny at work this morning ;-)

So at least, if I wasn't blogging, I was be naughty in other ways too ;-)

I Need More Sleep....

This entire week has been crazy on sleep.  Take last night as an example.  I was exhausted so I went to bed at 10:30.... I woke up at 1am and was awake until 5am and then slept till 9 and went to work.

That was my entire week of sleep.  The times may be a little off, but I saw weird hours of the night.

It's nearly midnight, and I'm still awake.  Wide awake even.  I'm trying to stay up so that I can sleep through the night..... wish me luck!

Must Not Fuck My Coworkers....

They say they're the people you're around the most, the people you're with 40+ hours a week.

Even the state sexual harassment prevention training says it's not against the law.

But I must not fuck my coworkers.

I never had this problem ever in my life..... till the last 6 months when M and E started....

I apparently met M at a bar 5ish years ago.  When he started, I knew he was familiar for some reason but I couldn't place my finger on it.

In that time frame, all I did was go to kinky events so I'm guessing I met him there....

We went on a company trip and I got to meet his GF...  Even J saw it: They've got a D/s relationship (even if they don't know it).  He says sit and stay and she does.  She expresses a desire for something but doesn't do it till he agrees it's the right thing...

At least I have a type, right?

E is the real problem.  He's my type physically and personality type wise.  He's a goofball and funny and raunchy all at the same time.

And single....

We were at a bar drinking (as co workers in start up land are apt to do) and I was sitting at the bar and he was standing in front of me, and all I wanted him to do was stand between my legs.

WTF?

Not ok.....

*sigh*

Maybe (hopefully) I'm ovulating and it will go away once my hormones return to normal...

I mean, there's hope, isn't there?

He's cute and single and my type and makes jokes that hint at something deeper that I want to poke at...

And we're all going to go to Reno and get wasted together.... this is sooooo not a good idea :-(

Two in one day????

I know, I know I know....

I just wrote the last post.

What else could I have to say?

1) Hi twitter friends!  Did you see the post on twitter (testing a new feature)?

2) Hi LJ friends!  Yes, I set that up as well.

3) Please, please, please comment.  I don't write for others, I'm trying to write for myself....  But it's nice to know I'm not talking into the ether......

Today....

So my goal is to write something everyday.  I'm not promising that I'll have something insightful or fulfilling... but I need to get in the habit of getting things out instead of letting them run around the mental ward of my brain.....

Damn it I'm horny...

It won't go away.

Last night I was up from 11pm till nearly 4 am reading erotica and masturbating.  It didn't get better.  It just got worse...

And I don't know how to make it better.

Masturbating doesn't make it better, just worse.

There's not really anyone in particular I want to make it better.  There's that imaginary composite perfect dominant from erotica that sounds tasty, but real life isn't really doing it.

A friend was helping and suggesting I start asking for a sadist to help out.... and it pushed all the wrong crazy buttons in my head.

Yes I wanted to be hurt, to suffer....

But I want the sadist to suffer too.  I want them to lose their planning in the face of the pain I take.  I want to push them past what makes them comfortable, get them to call as the blood pours out of the open wounds on my body and smile as I cuddle them and put them back together from the experience.

Now my brain likes to write checks my body has trouble cashing.... but now I'm focused on this, bringing the sadist down and breaking them.

The sadist... not the dominant... totally different in my brain...........

Here we go.....

Everyone's blogging these days....

I blog on Livejournal (when it's up) when I'm still processing something in my head and am not ready to share it with the world.

I blog on FetLife when I want loads of people to see it and/or I'm trying to make a big public point.

What do I do with the middle ground?

Well I guess I'll put them here.

I can't promise you all what will be here.  It may be boring vanilla stuff.  It may be me processing growing up.  It may be erotica (I've got a draft of the first chapter of a pretty romantic BDSM story already done).

All I can say is that it'll be me... whatever that becomes.

~S

Scene 2/2/08

So I had a scene with D last night. I was late arriving so I had to take 10 hits from several different objects on my pussy. I didn't like the paddles but the stingy thing as well as the cane were pretty good. It hurt, but not as much as I thought it would. It's almost liked I psyched myself out so the level of pain ended up being un-fulfilling.

I also got fucked with a strap on between strokes and wasn't allowed to cum. I wanted to, but I guess my mind is so strong that I stopped it.... but then I couldn't. I had permission to cum and I just couldn't do it. Then, as a present, D used the vibrator on me. I basically went directly from pre-orgasm to post-orgasm with no real orgasm. It was upsetting in the end.... I didn't really cum and I didn't really get a lot of pain. I ended up just feeling.... I don't know... like I was a let down.

So in the end, I'm kind of confused. I mean I'm pmsing so that could totally be part of it. I just feel like I'm adrift.... not connected to anything....

I hope this makes sense....