... to want to rely on someone some of the time.....
I had a rough September. 3 different car issues totally nearly $1k. Work was in flux (just a move, but still, stress), pollen count was so high I couldn't run outside/train for my 10k, move at work meant no yoga.
I got to therapy on Friday (OMG, totally worth the $20 per visit) and I was wiped out. I felt like I'd been wound up so tight and couldn't calm down.
After outlining with a calendar all the things going on, she really got that I was exhausted.
One of the things that came up was how alone I felt. I was able to weather the storm... I was able to deal with all the things....
But I also didn't have a choice but to deal.
I'm feeling a little financially unstable... mostly because the car stuff bit into my cushion (glad I had that cushion).
Wouldn't it be nice, my shrink said, if there was someone else's cushion that you could lean on for a while. If someone could make you dinner if you had a rough day. If you cooked dinner and someone else did the dishes.
None of this is stuff I *can't* do... it would just be nice to not have to do it... to be taken care of a little bit.
It makes sense with my fantasy life. As I get more into hypnosis, dollification, and bimboification, the common thread is giving up control.... but more than just control, giving up un-directed action.
As a submissive, I really like taking care of people. I had brunch with an ex who I'm still friends with and I still remembered he wouldn't want a straw for his drink and I set out napkins and water glasses for us... I just do that. I like to take care of people.
But the new fetishes.... I don't do anything. I'm blank. I'm a canvas that someone else is writing on.
It makes sense... I need a break from doing all the things and just getting to be.
